"It depends for which cause it was done." Henri-Julien’s answer came with an agitation so great it spurred him to stand and pace. He snatched up one of the rocks from their lessons and clutched it tightly in his fist. "Back in the rooftop garden, you asked why I was here. I said you wouldn't like the answer.” She did recall that, and braced herself. “It's the same answer to this question: I was Joined by an Orlesian Warden apostate. They hoped I would die." A mirthless grin twisted his face, turning features that weren’t entirely objectionable to something angry and cold. "That is not my bias; they said those exact words."
Having nothing useful to say, Velanna kept her tongue. Henri-Julien was not one prone to needless hyperbole. In fact, as she often was, he was honest to a brutal fault. If he said that was the way of it, she’d seen nothing in him that indicated it was otherwise.
"I can't begrudge them for it." She had to admit that point puzzled her, but she did not interrupt as he continued with his story. "Our paths only crossed because I had been severely injured by an escaped Fereldan apostate. It was obvious I could not have come to such harm any other way, particularly given the remoteness of the area."
Ah. This, then, was the point he likely believed she would not like, though Velanna found herself surprisingly unperturbed. Oh, she did not relish the thought of being pursued, and reasoned, based on her own experience with the man in question, that it was a matter of survival in the face of his not inconsiderable skill of hunting. There was only one way something like that was going to end, with injury or death on at least one side.
A wry smile took over his face, this one equally cold and without humor as the last. "I didn't encounter a darkspawn until a few months after my Joining. That was how determined they were that I should die: not even permitted to waste time by hunting my own darkspawn." That was a point Velanna had not considered before, that she, neither, had hunted her own. The entire affair of her Joining had been rather rushed, like an inconvenience that could not be avoided. She wondered, after the fiasco in the silverite mines, if her survival had also been a disappointment.
It did not matter. She did. As did Henri-Julien. Here they were now in the present.
"So, to answer your statement, I imagine that particular Warden regards my loss to the cause of the Templars to be a boon, not a waste. And I," his agitation was not undone by the deep breath he took in and released, "exist in this insufferable state of inaction, neither required to uphold my Templars oaths nor my Warden ones."
Well, now, that did not make sense. Were they not here on the Warden business after all? She held her thoughts on that. For now.
"It's enough to make you want to go digging for an Archdemon yourself."
She was not so removed from people that she did not recognize the sardonic tone of that last statement, but it was this that flipped something in her. Velanna could hardly claim to be entirely aligned with the cause of the Grey Wardens. Was she not only here because she had nowhere else to go? Not that she intended to flee. Again. At least, not if it was not necessary. Her reason for Joining had been her own, and that ended with a corpse in the Deep Roads, an admonishment from her former clan, and a realization that the closest thing to a purpose in her seemingly cursed life was here. She would have revenge for the death of her sister, but it also gave her a place to lay her head.
Finding she could not continue sitting, she slapped her hands on her thighs and stood, facing in his direction. “Then let us dig for an Archdemon.” Oh, she didn’t mean to head off on some ecstatic search. Nor did she really desire to single-handedly ignite another Blight. She cared not about Ferelden in the sense of who was or was not ruling it or if its cities stood, but Blights were not merely shemlen dilemmas. “Let’s find a purpose. Decide whether or not you are beholden to the Grey Wardens and go from there.” She lifted her arms, turning on her feet enough to indicate how very vast and wide their world was, and said, “We are alone here. We can do the task we are set to do, because we believe it should be done, or we don’t, and go where we wish from here.”
Velanna wasn’t even certain she meant it. Leave the Wardens again? “There is no one here but me. You can overpower me, easy enough. Or,” she dropped her hands to her sides. “Take me with you. You say it’s your job to keep me safe and in your custody until I am deposited in some Circle. I will submit to no Circle.” By that logic, he would need to kill her, which was against his precious oaths. She took a chance. “My point is that you don’t have to be miserable. If it’s purpose you seek, find one. I will help you.”
Having nothing useful to say, Velanna kept her tongue. Henri-Julien was not one prone to needless hyperbole. In fact, as she often was, he was honest to a brutal fault. If he said that was the way of it, she’d seen nothing in him that indicated it was otherwise.
"I can't begrudge them for it." She had to admit that point puzzled her, but she did not interrupt as he continued with his story. "Our paths only crossed because I had been severely injured by an escaped Fereldan apostate. It was obvious I could not have come to such harm any other way, particularly given the remoteness of the area."
Ah. This, then, was the point he likely believed she would not like, though Velanna found herself surprisingly unperturbed. Oh, she did not relish the thought of being pursued, and reasoned, based on her own experience with the man in question, that it was a matter of survival in the face of his not inconsiderable skill of hunting. There was only one way something like that was going to end, with injury or death on at least one side.
A wry smile took over his face, this one equally cold and without humor as the last. "I didn't encounter a darkspawn until a few months after my Joining. That was how determined they were that I should die: not even permitted to waste time by hunting my own darkspawn." That was a point Velanna had not considered before, that she, neither, had hunted her own. The entire affair of her Joining had been rather rushed, like an inconvenience that could not be avoided. She wondered, after the fiasco in the silverite mines, if her survival had also been a disappointment.
It did not matter. She did. As did Henri-Julien. Here they were now in the present.
"So, to answer your statement, I imagine that particular Warden regards my loss to the cause of the Templars to be a boon, not a waste. And I," his agitation was not undone by the deep breath he took in and released, "exist in this insufferable state of inaction, neither required to uphold my Templars oaths nor my Warden ones."
Well, now, that did not make sense. Were they not here on the Warden business after all? She held her thoughts on that. For now.
"It's enough to make you want to go digging for an Archdemon yourself."
She was not so removed from people that she did not recognize the sardonic tone of that last statement, but it was this that flipped something in her. Velanna could hardly claim to be entirely aligned with the cause of the Grey Wardens. Was she not only here because she had nowhere else to go? Not that she intended to flee. Again. At least, not if it was not necessary. Her reason for Joining had been her own, and that ended with a corpse in the Deep Roads, an admonishment from her former clan, and a realization that the closest thing to a purpose in her seemingly cursed life was here. She would have revenge for the death of her sister, but it also gave her a place to lay her head.
Finding she could not continue sitting, she slapped her hands on her thighs and stood, facing in his direction. “Then let us dig for an Archdemon.” Oh, she didn’t mean to head off on some ecstatic search. Nor did she really desire to single-handedly ignite another Blight. She cared not about Ferelden in the sense of who was or was not ruling it or if its cities stood, but Blights were not merely shemlen dilemmas. “Let’s find a purpose. Decide whether or not you are beholden to the Grey Wardens and go from there.” She lifted her arms, turning on her feet enough to indicate how very vast and wide their world was, and said, “We are alone here. We can do the task we are set to do, because we believe it should be done, or we don’t, and go where we wish from here.”
Velanna wasn’t even certain she meant it. Leave the Wardens again? “There is no one here but me. You can overpower me, easy enough. Or,” she dropped her hands to her sides. “Take me with you. You say it’s your job to keep me safe and in your custody until I am deposited in some Circle. I will submit to no Circle.” By that logic, he would need to kill her, which was against his precious oaths. She took a chance. “My point is that you don’t have to be miserable. If it’s purpose you seek, find one. I will help you.”